Art and Fear (or fear of art)

I have a confession; I'm avoiding my studio.  The oil painting adventure didn't go so well.  This was from Friday (prior to washing the windows).  I arranged everything, had my paints, my easel set up, drop cloth on the floor to catch the turpentine I was sure to knock over (I didn't).

Oh what a painful experience.  What happened on the canvas was nothing like what I had envisioned in my head.  I knew that the flower bouquet wouldn't last long.  My intention was to paint alla prima, finish it on Friday, between the window washing.

I got the windows washed.

This is today.  The painting didn't go so well.  On Friday, I was both completely frustrated and out of time and daylight. Saturday I was gone all day; by Sunday the flowers were wilted.  I have to admit, I was kind of glad.  It gave me an excuse to avoid the painting.

Now, the logical part of my brain understands what happened and is cutting me some slack.  After all, it's been four years since I've used oil paint, and the process is so very different than what I am accustomed to doing.  I know, reasonably, that this will take some practice to get back into the groove of it.  I will (maybe) remember how it's done.

Still, it was such a let down.  I have this problem with "wasting" materials.  That fear of being wasteful really does restrict me in my artistic expression.  In this case I'm so concerned about the cost of the art board and the paint that I used, paint that has been sitting unused in a basket for four years.

Anyway, yes, I am avoiding the studio today.  I think that I can somewhat salvage the painting; I can paint from the photographs.  Actually, everything is still set up, so I can paint the vase, squash, background from life, and then paint the flowers from the photograph.  It won't be the same as painting them from life, but it will do. 

I'm going to lick my artist wounds for another day (or two), then I'll get back to it.

How is your week starting out?