Obstacles to Creativity

As I've mentioned before, I'm in the midst of reading The Creative Entrepreneur.  As part of the process, the reader is asked to answer some questions about her/his creativity.  I find that one of the biggest obstacles to my creativity is my very own self.  Reading this book and going through the exercises is helping me to be more aware of how I get in my own way. 

I feel like such a broken record at times.  I even stopped journaling for awhile because everyday was the same lament: "I want to do this and this and this, but I just can't seem to motivate myself to do it."  Why is that?  Why should it be so much trouble to get myself to do the things I want to do?  It's so easy to go out to the kitchen, pick out a recipe and start to cook, but when it comes to creating art in my studio, I balk.  I have a very strong drive to create; I have more ideas than I can keep track of, yet I spend so much more time thinking about creating than actually doing the job.

I'm trying to be more aware of what happens internally during these times.  On Saturday, I had an idea for a collage.  I went to my studio, and started gathering my materials; immediately the inner critic started up.  "Why even bother?  You won't be able to recreate the same thing you are seeing in your head.  Someone else has probably already done it, and better to boot.  Why don't you just go bake a cake instead?"

Baking a cake is easy.  I have a recipe and someone telling me what to do.  I can exert a little creativity with flavors and whatnot, but basically I have a clear vision of what the outcome will be.  I have a map.  In the studio I don't always, in fact rarely do I, have a clear idea of where I'm going.  I get these very vague notions, and I have to go through the process of painting, drawing, collaging, whatever to figure out where it is I want to be.  During this process that damn inner critic tries to scare me off, and so often is successful.  I did tell him to fuck off on Saturday, and I've been pushing forward on the collage idea since then, even when he says mean things like, "oh looky there!  you spent an entire hour on it!  aren't you just fucking amazing."  He can be so sarcastic at times.  And yes, I am amazing, thank you very much.

I'm trying to always convince myself that whatever art I'm making, it is just for play.  If I go at it with the intention of hopefully showing it in a gallery, or selling it on etsy (that store I haven't started yet), then I feel pressured to perform.  If I can approach art from a sense of play, the creativity flows more easily, and the critic is quiet.  It's really hard though to banish all thoughts of someone else judging my work, because my goal is to make money from my creative pursuits.  My first goal needs to be to simply create.

I am hoping that awareness of how I inhibit my creativity will help me to find ways of pressing through it.  And that is very much what I need to do, just press through.  Even when I'm feeling like a sucky artist, I need to push through that icky part to get to the good stuff.  I guess it's kind of like when I go out to walk.  During the first block I feel stiff and wonder if I'll have the energy to do this, but as I continue, the energy starts to flow and it all feels good.